This month, I have twice been subjected to sexist abuse. These were not cases of everyday sexism or offhand comments from passing “men with ven”*. They were angry, targeted and intended to cause offence.

There’s a reason you’re a single mother

In the first instance, I was verbally abused by two men at the school gates. It was 5.50pm on a Tuesday evening. They had misheard a comment my son had made about them and demanded an apology by standing in front of my car as I tried to leave the car park. I was called a “filthy, dirty sl*g” and told that, whereas they had been at work all day, I had been “sat on [my] a**e watching telly.”

Last weekend, after confronting a so-called friend of my sister’s about his questionable behaviour, I was told, “There’s a reason you’re a single mother.” The following day I was subjected to a stream of abuse on various social media channels implying that I was a terrible parent with multiple sexual partners. I had never spoken to this man before Saturday night.

Generation seXist

These individuals were not men of “a certain generation”, or argumentative teenage boys, or examples of any other half-baked male stereotypes. These were young men in their twenties: men who have grown up with media representations of strong, independent women; men who have experienced an education system designed to embrace gender difference; men who are more likely to have been raised by a single woman than those in any past generation.

Perhaps I radiate some sort of uber-feminist vibe that encourages blokes to wind me up. (I have more male friends than female, so I’m no stranger to banter.) Nevertheless, as soon as I stood up to these individuals, it triggered an automatic response in them that has no place in the twenty-first century, or indeed any century.

A right to choose

For me, being a young single mother is as much a lifestyle choice as being vegan or going to the gym. It does not preclude intelligence or work ethic. It does not make me sexually promiscuous. Yet there is an emerging generation of adult men – and likely some women too – who still believe that being a single mother under 30, whatever the woman’s employment status, is the lowest form of existence.

I often joke that there’s no point having children unless you indoctrinate them. But I truly hope I can instil a greater sense of equality in my own son than that displayed by the individuals who assaulted me. Language is a powerful tool and in the wrong hands it can be devastating. Clearly, there is more work needed to educate our boys – to teach them that some opinions are unequivocally false, that sexism is as hateful as racism or homophobia, and that words can be more damaging than a fist.

*Apologies if you’re not a Peep Show fan!